I have subjected myself to an unnecessary amount of stress lately. I have over-scheduled myself, I have taken on too many commitments, I have been laid off, I have been through job interview after job interview, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

No, that’s not true. I know what I want to be when I grow up. The trouble is that these five children of mine, these little people who are my light and my soul—they make my grown-up occupation really fucking scary because there’s no guarantee of a paycheck that can feed all these munchkins, much less give them the dance lessons, the music lessons, the sports practices they so desire.

Some days it is overwhelming. As shallow as it may sound, I find my smartphone to be my saving grace on those days when I am struggling most against the overwhelming. Specifically, I cherish Instagram. Only the most beautiful moments of my day, of my life make it to Instagram. And on days that are a struggle, I find myself in my Instagram feed, flipping through the beautiful moments of my life and smiling.

I don’t believe in a god that leaves notes and clues to direct both the major and the minuscule in my life, but with a quick flip through my own Instagram feed, I know I am blessed. By my own choices, by the energy of the world, by the people who have chanced to pass through my life, I am blessed.